Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
