don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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