I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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