Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
