I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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