I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize