i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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