Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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