also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
