I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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