i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
