I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
