I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
