I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
