It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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