hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
