I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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