garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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