The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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