You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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