I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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