i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
God, I missed his penis.
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