i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it because I queefed?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
