You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
