Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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