His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It all started with a game of naked twister.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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