Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
