Just mADE A PArabola og urine
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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