somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
