the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
