I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
