It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
