i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
