I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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