What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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