I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
