Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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