I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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