My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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