glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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