i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
