Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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