Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
