I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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