i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
