Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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