If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
