How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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