she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
