ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Two words: blizzard sex
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
