i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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