I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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