Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
