Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dick very happy bro
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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