I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
