I feel like I'm in dance class right now
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
