Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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