i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
