we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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