I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just gift wrapped bread.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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