well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
